Why to we Save Rather than Support & Nurture

Welcome to this weeks blog, how are you?

Wow didn’t last week hit a chord with some of you. I am glad that it helps and thank you for letting me know just how much.

Funny isn’t it, how we often keep putting ourselves, whether health, boundaries or down time last on the list. It had me thinking how I could possibly best serve and share with you this week.

Here is a small offering…

Often in my work I hear from people how tired they feel, exhausted from the constant demands of life and helping others.

We usually begin the dialogue through them expressing and me attentively listening. The wonderful thing is that once they have a safe space where they feel heard and able to share they begin to hear themselves on a deeper level. They start to notice how much energy and emotion they are expending on trying to “fix, save or change” other people or the situations they are in.

I have a saying I have said to myself for years, decades actually, “The only person I have the right to work on in this life is mySelf.”

Often we may feel we need to save others from their hurt, when often all they require is a safe space to share with someone who cares. When we feel we need to save, or change someone’s circumstances or hurt, it can set up a fear response in our nervous system and causes our adrenals to work overtime affecting hormones, influencing overthinking, nervous reactions leaving us feeling stressed, tired and hollow.

One of the things I suggest to do with patients is, next time someone you care about is hurting, hug them a little longer, and sit and listen, really listen to the words they are saying. Don’t in your mind be thinking of how to fix it for them, change it or make it better while they are talking. Just sit with them, really be present. They will feel how present with them you are.

Sometimes they just need to share, and in the sharing they feel heard and in that they find their strength. What you will find is that it will be more nurturing for you and the one you love. It will take less from you physically and emotionally. Best of all it will help your bond deepen as they truly feel you honour them in their rawness rather than attempting to make it go away.

I hope this newsletter helps you to maybe think about ways you may be spending much of your energy trying to change situations in your life or someone else’s. Situations that may be a transition, learning curve or a season playing out in someone's life. Hold space for them and for you. Love will give the greatest strength of all.

The best thing you can do, be you, be a great listener and share your love of compassion and understanding.

Have an inspiring week ahead.

Alli